Dear Class,
I am working very hard to be the best teacher I can be. I have spent countless hours preparing, managing, marking, writing reports, learning, teaching, having meetings, talking to parents all while trying to manage my own personal struggles. Above all of these things I still owe you something. I owe you my sincere apology...
I am sorry. I am sorry that sometimes I lose my temper on you. I am sorry that I forget about your own personal battles. This is my first year teaching. It isn't an excuse, you deserve more than what I have to give. I am sorry that you 30 brilliant, remarkable students have to practise your patience when it comes to me.
I am sorry that I get frustrated when you struggle to learn. I am working on being as patient with you as you are with me. Sometimes, with the pressure put on me I forget that you are only 9 and 10 years old. Where has my patience (which I have always prided myself in) gone? Why do I find myself saying things I do not mean to you?
"Billy, what time does the flight leave?"
"I don't know Miss. Where do I find that?"
"On the ticket you just looked at."
"I can't find it"
"Well you better find it and write it down. I am going to move on without you. Hurry up."
"Miss, is this a good paragraph?"
"Eric, does this look like a good paragraph? How many sentences are in a paragraph?"
"5-6 lines Miss."
"No, Eric. No. Not 5-6 lines, 5-6 sentences. 5-6 fullstops. You are at the end of year 5. You should know this by now. Go sit down and do not return to me until I can see 5-6 good year 5 sentences."
The truth is, I am stressed. I am stressed every day. I try not to show it to you, but I know sometimes you can tell. I know that the only people that suffer from my stressful situation are you 30 children. No one is effected by my stress except for you. Even though I try not to show you I know you can sense it; you can see it. I see it in your kindness, your caring nature. I see it when you walk in my classroom in the morning with a smile on your face and you give me a beautiful drawing, or show me a baby picture, or even simply asking how my night was.
This is all so new to me. I am only human. I struggle. The difference between this and any other struggles I have been through is that this is the first time I am on stage every single day in front of 60 little eyes. You 30 children, my daily audience is what matters most to me in this World. Let me break it down for you:
You are more than SATs results.
You are more than your naughty behaviour.
You are more than a job.
You are more than your report comments.
You are more than your struggles.
You are more than ambers.
You are more than reds.
You are more than one thing.
You are more than children.
You are more than you think you are.
You are athletes.
You are actors and actresses.
You are singers.
You are musicians.
You are clever.
You are brilliant.
You are kind.
You are IMPORTANT.
You are special.
You are unique.
You are funny.
You are accomplished.
You are successful.
You are interesting.
You are scientists.
You are inspirational.
You are thoughtful.
You are beautiful.
You are my reason.
You are irreplaceable.
You 30 children are my first class, my first struggle, my first success, my first babies. You will always have a place in my heart.
At the end of the night, when I can't sleep and I am rolling around uneasy about falling asleep with so much on my mind it isn't the naughty parts of my day that I remember. It isn't that I had to tell you 10 times not to shout out, or that you had a tantrum in my classroom, or that I had to put you on red for putting mud in a water bucket. I don't remember when you sang Hakuna Matata very loudly to make everyone laugh. I don't remember that you shouted out the answer when Kimmy was trying so hard to answer it herself. This is not what I remember or what I think about.
At the end of the night I think about how proud I am of each and every one of you. I think about what I can do the next day to make your day better, smoother, happier, calmer. I think about how tomorrow I am going to be cheerful, and kind. I do all of this because you matter to me. Even if I shout and get frustrated and even if I put you on red. You inspire me to be a better person and a better teacher. You make me feel blessed. I do not take enough time out of my day to tell you that it is because of you that I have found my purpose in life. It is because of you that I will teach for the rest of my life.
This is the hardest, most stressful thing I have ever done; I wouldn't change it for the World.
Thank-you class for inspiring me to be the best teacher I can be. I have learned so much from you this year.
Here's to the next 8 days!
B.
